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Working Through Depression

This blog post isn’t the one I wanted to write today. It’s not the topic I put on my monthly calendar to write for today. To be honest, I don’t even feel like writing a blog today, and with as terrible as my week has been I very much thought about just not posting a blog at all. But then I decided against it, because I really want to make this blogging thing a regular activity. I have fun writing, I have fun updating this blog and hearing from those who take the time to read what comes out of my keyboard.

But I confess… I’m feeling very depressed the past few days. It’s not been a great week and I want to just curl up in bed and sleep for a few days and not have to deal with anything. But I can’t do that, because I was pretty much in that state all last year and it was awful and I’m trying not to get like that again. 

The bad week started out with me getting back from a trip to Milwaukee and the next morning I had to take my husband to Urgent Care because he was throwing up and couldn’t even keep water down. The urgent care diagnosed him with a GI bug and gave him medicine and a note for work for him to be out again on Wednesday. Fast forward to Wednesday, and Byron hears from the temp agency he’s been working with on this job that the company he’s been at for almost 4 months now is letting him go. No warning, no indication of anything being wrong beforehand. He was told that the reasons were that he “wasn’t catching on fast enough” and “wasn’t taking enough initiative”. He had never been given any feedback beforehand about anything other than the company loving him. We were certain that they were going to hire him on full-time when they could in the next few weeks, so this was a complete blind-side.

Last year, I lost my job in January and Byron lost his in March. We spent the next few months in survival mode, not sure if we were going to suddenly become homeless. We sold possessions, I walked dogs, cleaned houses, pet-sat, and did anything else we could think of to keep afloat. Now I feel like that cycle is starting all over again and I just don’t know if I can take it.

Tomorrow is my 37th birthday and I just don’t care. If I didn’t have a shift at the co-op then I wouldn’t even leave the house. I can’t handle another year like last year. I’m going to try really hard to keep blogging and to keep doing art through this, because being creative is a great outlet for me, but sometimes depression makes it really hard for me to work on anything at all. 

Anyway… I guess there’s not really a point to this other than for me to whine and vent a bit. Sorry it’s not a more positive or interesting blog post.

Featured photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com

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